Sean and I got the news that we are having a baby girl! We have already chosen the name… well, I chose it a year ago. For years I had chosen a first name, which is Josilyn. I’m not set on the spelling. Last October, Sean and I were in Michigan and headed out to the area his dad’s ashes are spread. During the trip we talked all about his dad. One of my questions was what his full name was; John Clarence Newman. Immediately I decided the middle name to go with my girl’s first name would be Clara. So we will be having a Josilyn Clara Newman. I love it. Do you? Do you not? Ehhh… it doesn’t matter what you think on this one. Like I said, I love it and Sean is happy with it.
Some stress has been taken away since it’s a girl. When I announced in October what I wanted my little girl’s name to be, he jokingly said that it only made sense if he got to have 100% say on a boy’s name. I agreed, which I think surprised him… but it wasn’t like we were having a baby anytime soon. He has been joking that he will just name the boy, “Boy” or “Hey You.” Funny, until you see the baby book that my sister-in-law Susan sent us. I went through all of the boys’ names that I liked and put a pen mark next to it. I would be able to sway Sean with a name, right? No. He hated everything. Not just my pen marked ones, but EVERY name in there. He had gone through over 200 pages and had only highlighted TWO names. Now I’m interested to see what they were.
*walking to magazine rack*
Calum and Cedric. To me, Calum looks too much like the word “cum” and I don’t think Sean knows who Cedric the Entertainer is… so I had already ruled these out, but managed to keep my mouth shut about it. While I was in Michigan, Mom had given me a name recommendation that I really liked. I told Sean when I got back that I had one for when he hadn’t chosen by the time of birth. He wanted to know what it was, but I refused to tell him. He had turned down over 200 pages of names. That’s about 50 names per page. So he has turned down over 10,000 names. I had no hope that he would approve of it. So, I wasn’t going to tell him until I was writing it on the birth certificate. It was a fun threat that I was fully capable of fulfilling, but concerned I would truly have to follow through due to Sean’s indecision.
I hope the morning of the ultrasound isn’t a precursor of our parenting life, although I know it likely will. Sean is a freak when it comes to setting alarms. He always sets two. He checks each one five times before he falls asleep. He will wake up in the middle of the night and check it. So, I fell asleep knowing that he had the alarm situation on lock down. He was also in charge of setting the appointments because his work schedule is screwy. I was taking a total back seat here. I quickly became a backseat driver. I knew our appointment was some time from 7:30am to 8:30am. We live about 20mins away, and Sean whines if we don’t stop at the coffee hut on the way there. So, we need to leave 30mins early just to get there on time, but I want to be early for these appointments so my stress level is normal and we don’t get screwy results because we were late. When I wake up at 7:00am and Sean isn’t awake, I’m shocked. I get up, start getting dressed and looking for the appointment card, because I can’t stay in the back seat. I can’t find the card anywhere. I wake up Sean, “What time is our appointment today?” He has no idea. He feels getting us to these appointments is my thing. REALLY? The one situation you’re not worried about setting your alarm is for our baby appointments? He is a complete alarm freak. I’m now in shock and stressed about whether or not we’re becoming late.
Our appointment was at 8:00am, we made it ten minutes early, and Sean had coffee in hand.
The ultrasound room is set up really nice. The tech sits to the right of me and looks at her computer. On the wall past my feet is another monitor with a view for the parents. To the left is a chair for Daddy (Daddy in the perfect world, which I know often turns into Grandma’s or Best Friend’s chair, or is left empty.). So we walk in to the room for the ultrasound and Sean grabs his chair and puts it down by my feet to sit super close to the monitor. He is so excited and so adorable. I had him bring the chair back by my face so I could share the moment with him, face to face, and not with the back of his head.
The baby had gotten SO big in the four weeks since we’d last seen it!!! We could see hands and feet clearly. We even got one photo where the baby had her mouth wide open and her head up by her head. I pretend she is waving and saying, “Hi, Mom” for the first time. The tech asked if we were ready to learn the gender. We were both ready and couldn’t wait for her to tell us!!! She paused like we were on a game show and then announced, “It’s a little girl!!!”
I was so happy. I had been keeping a secret from every body. I totally wanted a girl. I have seen SO many moms want one or the other and talk about it all of the time, and they always get the opposite. So, I kept it a super duper secret, and got my little girl!!! Plus, Sean REALLY was hoping for a boy, simply because he is more afraid to have a girl. As he put it, “If it was a boy, I had one penis to worry about. Now I have to worry about every other penis in the world!!!”
He is going to be a great dad. He is already doing what he can. He makes sure that I’ve eaten something healthy before he leaves for work. Plus, he was supportive of me quitting my stressful job a month ago, because he didn’t want me to be worried while pregnant. This didn’t end up being a great financial decision… but my sanity is decent and the baby is healthy, so that’s good. There is a new way that I’m going to start bringing in money, and I will get to make my own schedule. No, it’s not maternity porn. Is there a market for that? But, um… of course, it wouldn’t matter… yeah.
The other news I found out from the tech is that my placenta is on the back of my uterus. It’s good as long as it’s not on the bottom (on the cervix). However, it does explain why I have been describing the baby’s movement different that most women. I have been told by lots of women that it feels like a butterfly or a gas bubble. Nope. That’s crap. Mine feels like a dinosaur trying to claw it’s way out of the front my my uterus. The tech said most of the time the placenta is on the front, so I am likely getting more intense feelings from the fetal movements. Yep. From butterfly to t-rex is definitely more intense.
For the past week I have been on a mission to make friends with women. After I got back from Michigan, I realized how important it was to keep women around me. It became really clear during the drive home when Sean and I passed a motorcycle. I need to have people in my life that don’t make sex noises every time we pass one. It’s fine that Sean does it… it was just a smack in the face about how nice it would be to have women to hang out with on a regular basis.
So far, I have exchanged emails with one woman and we’ve been writing. I have another woman’s number and I’m really looking forward to getting together with her. She reminds me of one of my really good friends from Michigan that is really perky and I can’t wait to be around her. The third woman I have spent time with is the coordinator for a Mommy Meetup Group. That was today and we went to a park with one of her kiddos. On Wednesday, there is another Meetup get together and six people have said they will go, where as only three were confirmed for today.
However, I got stung by a bee at the park. It had been years since I’d been stung. It totally didn’t hurt as much as I remembered! I just hope the baby is okay with it.
There is a little sad news in my life…
My 12 year old cat is dying. I took him to the vet 9 days ago after he threw up blood. The vet is a great guy and was very sweet with how emotional I am about the whole thing. He wanted to try giving him some antibiotics on the off chance he had something. We also put Higbee on some irritable bowel syndrome meds because he typically throws up on a daily basis. He’s been doing that most of his life. The vet was not happy that no other vet had tried putting Higbee on any meds to stop it. We also got him on some kitty-morphine to see if he would perk up. If he did perk up, that meant he had been in pain.
The only good news is that he’s not in any pain. He just got really lazy on the morphine. The other news that was good for a few days was that he’s stopped throwing up. It quit being good news when he quit eating. It’s been 4 days since he ate. He is getting ridiculously skinny and only gets up to walk around for a few minutes. For the most part he stays in his bedroom (it will be the baby’s room, but since we moved in, it’s really just been Higbee’s room since I never set up an office like I planned). I go get him to cuddle sometimes. He comes out now and again. After talking with the vet yesterday, we agreed taking him off the meds was fine. He’s obviously shutting down and the stress of medicating him isn’t worth it.
I’m super sad that he’s only going to be here for a week at most. I’m going to miss him. Sean and I are both going to miss him. I just hope he passes without being in pain. So far so good. Just really exhausted. I would love to have him die at home so he doesn’t have to pass on a metal table. I will bring him in to be put down the moment I think he is in pain. Often people let their animals live too long and the animal ends up enduring more pain than was necessary. If anything, I’m going to put him down earlier than necessary to keep him comfortable. Since I’m not working, though, I’m able to keep a very close eye on him, and that’s the plan for now. If I was working, I would probably have already put him down because I would be worried about him all day while I was away. Then if I came home and found him in pain I would feel like such a bad mommy.
He’s such a cuddle muffin. I’m really going to miss him.