I haven’t posted in awhile because I had something I needed to keep to myself, that I couldn’t keep my fingers from sharing… SEAN AND I ARE HAVING A BABY!!!
For the past two months, most of my thoughts have been taken up by fetus gestation. I’m sure my blog will now take a turn and become a little more “mommy” friendly, but I have no intentions of taking out the parts that make this blog mine. That includes blatant honesty, too much information, and loads of pictures.
Let’s start with some blatant honesty. I was NOT happy when I found out I was pregnant in ANY way. I sobbed for days. Wait, being honest… I sobbed for multiple weeks. I did not (and still don’t) want to be pregnant. The idea of it gave me the heebie jeebies. Knowing that this thing is living inside of me, without my explicit consent, was totally unacceptable. I had just lost over 20 pounds. For what? Now I’m going to put it right back on because of this thing I can only think of as a parasite. Freaking great.
Many people have asked if I’m afraid to be a mom when I tell them how much I don’t want to be pregnant. I’m not afraid in any way. What many people don’t know about me is that I love kids, I’m great with them, and I have always looked forward to being a parent. I just forgot how they were made. I really wish the stork story were true. Then I would be SO HAPPY! I want to hold this will-be little bundle in my arms!!!
Now, for too much information, and I mean it!
My nipples hurt or are itchy constantly. Early on, Sean flicked one, thinking it was funny. The glare that I gave him let him know it was not funny, and never would be funny. Thankfully, he has not done it again, otherwise, I would have to start talking about him in the past tense, per my glare-of-death.
I had known I was pregnant for a few weeks and hadn’t had one bit of “morning” sickness. I kept my fingers crossed and thanked the fetus. Then, like being hit by a bus, I had my hands full to walk out of the house, and it showed up. By luck, I was in the bathroom getting my glasses, so when it showed up, at least it landed in the toilet. Ever since then, every day is a new day. I can spend hours in the bathroom driving the porcelain bus while thinking about how I would throw myself down our staircase to make it stop, if only we had a staircase. Other days, I have no pregnancy symptoms. I do not take those days for granted. Like today. I thought about staying home and being lazy on this day off. Then I remembered I don’t always have a choice when it comes to being able to leave the house, so I left.
I have always been the queen of talking about gross stuff. I love talking about poop, injuries, and puss. Oh crap. Just writing those things made me a little gaggy. That’s all I will say about that.
I don’t crave sweets anymore and along with the morning sickness, I have been losing weight so far. There are actually very few foods that I can eat with some confidence. Apple fritters in the morning. Chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, or a McChicken sandwich for lunch. For dinner, I don’t eat much. I have no desire to eat then… but I always manage to get something down. The one item that is sweet that I treat myself with is Green Tea Frappucinos from Starbucks. I’ve become quite the regular at their drive through after I get out of work. Thank goodness for PreNatal Vitamins, or I would be worried about my vitamin intake, since I don’t think chicken nuggets contain my daily supplements. I am totally looking forward to this going away. I only eat prepared meals right now, because the idea of cooking raw meat really grosses me out. If Sean wasn’t working so much, I know he would cook, but then I wouldn’t want what he made, and it would just be aggravating for both of us.
Whenever I go pee it is totally unsatisfying. I’ll feel like I’m going to pee my pants. Then I sit down and all I get is a one second trickle. It’s like I have a bladder infection, but I don’t (the doctor checked).
For the few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, my brain was not functioning. This wouldn’t be a big deal, but I had just started a new waitressing gig and my bosses were beginning to think I was a total moron. I even cried at work once when a coworker used a shitty tone with me. In my usual mind, I would have been able to tell him where to put it, but preggers brain just cried. Embarrassing. So, I told work that I was pregnant earlier than I had planned. They were much more understanding after that. Yesterday, I was puking through most of my shift and they would keep an eye on my tables while I ralphed. At least I’m proving that I have a good work ethic!
Oddly enough, at work there are three other pregnant chicks. We are due about every other month starting this month. The managers joke that next time they post for a job they’re going to add something like, “Waitress needed. Perks include increased conception rate.” Whenever one of the non-pregnant women isn’t feeling well, they’re all scared their pregnant. Only one of the four of us was trying to get pregnant. Thankfully, all of us are in solid, healthy relationships.
Another random from the super early days included super stinky sweat. I’ve never been very stinky, although I’ve always been a heavy perspirer. For about a week or two, I just stank. It was awful. Thankfully, it went away.
How did I almost forget the drooling!?! I drool all night long. I just lie down, and am not even in dream land yet when I can’t figure out why my hand is all wet. It’s not small amounts… it will easily soak up an area the size of my hand on a nightly basis. Then I flip the pillow and do it again.
The random crying has subsided to my normal amount. Before that, it would just happen, for no good reason. One day, while having a friend visit and being on a gorgeous road trip, I just started crying. It was ridiculous.
I know I said I’d have oodles of pictures, but I have not been doing well with finding the camera when I want it… so this blog will be lacking.
Tomorrow morning is our ultra sound to find out how far along we are. I think we are at 10 weeks, but the doctor is guessing more like 14 weeks because of the swelling and she had no problem finding the heart beat. When we heard the heart beat, Sean cried. He is going to be the most caring dad ever. When he left for work this afternoon, he said, “We get to see our baby tomorrow! I’m totally going to cry.” I’m hoping that I get a little more maternal during the ultra sound. Right now, all I think about is me and how much I hate being pregnant. Hoping for a shift when I see the tiny thing in black and white!